Wednesday, August 19, 2015


     Okay, so it's seriously been a while since I've posted anything of real substance. I've been home for maybe ten whole days (counting the hours of me being awake at home), this entire summer. I first got a job working as a part time camp counselor and part time camp manager, with a lovely boy named Aaron on the side. :) Following that I ended my summer job. After that I was officially commissioned to do a mural in one of the classrooms at my church (pics to follow). That took me about a week because it took me so long to get everyone's ideas and make my own designs and work all that meticulous stuff out. I will be doing another one relatively soon :).
     After that I went on a week long mission trip to Memphis, Tennessee. It was a little difficult I have to admit, but in the end it became amazing. Got a lot of closure and I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with God. I mainly learned that I had been forging my own version of Him instead of looking at what the Bible says He is. My faith has grown a lot. :)
     It's been a whole three days since I've been home and even more has changed! Apparently two nights ago while I was out, my brother and his friend found a kitten. Soooo, we have a kitten :), at least for now. My friend might take her. :) I've also been kinda sick for just over a day now, but I think I'm a lot better, in fact it might be just allergies. Also,  since I got home, I've been feeling like I should finally just buckle down and get my license. So, I have to pay $80 bucks to take a 6 hour class and finally get my license. I can take it online, so I'm happy. Also, I'm happy because I go on vacation with boyfriend and his family to Indiana and Florida on September 3rd and I come back the 12th!! I'm stupid excited. :)
     Alright, ladies and gentlemen, and now for the reason why this post is called #WhiteGirl......
     Drum roll please.....
     I start training after my scott-free background check is complete. I have to do 25 hours of paid-training and it all works out with me going to Florida. It's the best of both worlds (Hannah Montana shout out). 
     Anyway, here are some pics!!


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Stupid Busy

   I am currently squeezing this status update between hours of work, time with my boyfriend, and all the crappy financial crap college has to offer, so I may not make too much sense. Over the past month everything has changed, with my new job and my new boyfriend (our 1 month is next Tuesday). I currently work with a Romanian boy, a Czech girl and two Spanish children (and potentially a Bulgarian boy as well), at this summer camp by my house. It's pretty nice, though I will have to learn a lot about how they speak. It's pretty sweet, the hours rock and I get paid well. I may also my a waitress soon, too.
     As for my social life: it is very different. Since I started dating my lovely boyfriend ( pics possibly to follow), I've hung out with mostly him, his family, and my friend Megan. It's hard with work to keep up with everybody. Also, I don't hang out with a lot of people because of a lot of dumb drama, for example, my "ex" is going to ask out the girl I used to be best friends with. Well, I really don't care all that much, I will just find it soooo funny if he actually did it just to get back at me for finally getting over him. I will find it twice as funny if she says no. Either way,  I have an amazing boyfriend and I have high hopes :) Shout out to my Stud ;) love you!
     Anyway, so there's my life right now. I'm busy but happily so. :P Peace out!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Keeping Calm

     Okay, so the past month has been nearly entirely life changing. I've gotten a job, a boyfriend, and pretty much a completely new personality. Everything is a blizzard of newness to me. I wake up early to go to work, then I come home, then I head back out to hang with the greatest guy ever. :) It's fantastic no doubt, but I still have yet to catch up with myself, so to speak.
     I've heard several people say that you only know the true identity of a person in the seconds before they die, or when they're very afraid or their put in a life altering position (taking a bullet for someone, etc.), but how do you figure out who you really are? Am I supposed to go on a 'journey' into the unknown with nothing but a backpack full of rice (Into the Wild), and live in an abandoned bus to figure out who I really am?
     When all of this newness fades into the norm, who am I going to be?
      I never really thought about 'finding out the real me' because that whole thing has been waaaay overdone. Nowadays you hear about people going on their Bohemian adventures and becoming one with the earth and all that ridiculous stuff.
      It's not when they're on their adventure that they find out who they really are, it's when that adventure ends. It's our day-to-day lives and actions that define us. That's all people really see anyway.
     So yeah, that's my current 'struggle'. Who am I, and what am I becoming? The only thing I can really do about it is Keep Calm and wait.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

My Flaws

     So this has never been a post I anticipated writing, but I have my reasons. One thing I find very important in a relationship that has any real value, is knowing each others flaws. Anybody can show off their good sides, but in my opinion you don't really know someone until you know the whole package. So without further adieu, here are my flaws and/or not the greatest things about me.

1. I am not a trusting person. It's hard for me to believe I can trust someone. I don't believe that people will always be there for me or are as sincere as they say. I believe that there is some good in everyone, but no one is going to care more about you as much as your parents, God, and yourself.
2. I over-think almost everything. I try to come across as a laid back, chill girl, but I almost always let myself get worried over just about anything.
3. I don't stay in one place for very long without beginning to hate it or just need a change of scenery.
4. Despite #3, I get incredibly nostalgic incredibly easily and when I move forward in my life, I almost always get depressed for a short time and worry about whether or not I'm making a huge mistake. I am always unsure of my decisions, though I pretend like I'm not.
5. I am absolutely terrified of falling in love. When people say that they love me, I do my absolute best to take it lightly. They may be sincere, but I never want to believe it. Now I mean this romantically of course. I believe my family loves me and I love them back. That's what I'm used to. I fell in love once, and it landed me in three months of meeting with an elder's wife every Tuesday for three months, then another full year of pain afterwards. Not being consumed in that ridiculous pain is something very new to me. If you love me, don't say it (don't show me that you mean it), until we are more sure of ourselves.
6. I am two-faced. I wish I wasn't, but I can never be truly real with just anyone.
7. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. Yeah, I'm going to college and I know what career I intend to have, but when it comes to just about everything else, I am clueless.
8. I'm losing my creativity. I used to be able to write songs and draw pictures at the drop of a hat, but lately it's like everything is losing it's color. I'm even more clueless.
9. I need to be needed. My self-worth comes directly from people noticing my work and being proud of me. Most of my motivation comes from people saying I can't do something, and my value comes from proving them wrong. I hate to disappoint.

Anyway, those are 9 things about me that I wouldn't really brag about. Hope you liked it!  

Monday, June 15, 2015

What I Look For In A Guy (Yup, I'm Going There)

     Okay, so up until the past year, I never really thought I had a type. I always thought, ' well, I like who I like', and basically just said that I just like guys that are cool and fun to be around. I still do, but I've discovered that there's much more I look for in a guy than I originally thought. Here are those things:
1. A Personality. Growing up, my dad always said to me, "first work on your insides, then your outsides". I like it when a guy actually has a personality. That means he doesn't conform to everything I like. He has his own opinions, but he's still fun to be around.
2. A Backbone. He has to have his own ground rules. For example, no sex before marriage is number one on my list (I look for that in a guy as well by the way). He should stick to his morals, and that's just that. Besides, if a girl can make a guy bend over backwards and not fight for what he believes in, then would he ever fight for me?
3. A Phone-Up Phone-Down Type. Okay, I know this sounds weird. I call this the phone up phone down concept. Basically, if you're dating someone and they always have their phone screen facing downward, it usually means that they're hiding something. (Okay, that's not entirely true, they may just not like the glare from their screen, but be sure you know the difference.) I want a guy that's honest, and isn't hesitant to tell me when something questionable happens. I'd do the same for him. In other words, keep your phone up :) don't hide anything, it'll just make things worse.
4.  Fight with me. This might sound weird, but in a relationship, fighting is always important. It shows that you have morals that you stick to. If I break those rules, tell me. If you fight with me, it shows that you actually care about us as a couple. It shows me that you want things to be made right. Fighting is a part of a relationship, and I want to know that you care. Raise your voice at me.
5. Don't take everything so seriously. I'm a prankster, and truth be told, I almost never act my age. Yeah, I know how to be mature, but honestly, being uptight makes life so bland. Yeah, have a job, know how to take care of yourself, but never forget to have fun.
6. Spontaneity. Prank me. Scare me. Make me laugh. Nerf gun wars and balloon fights when I least expect it. I'm gonna do it to you. When we're on the road, turn the car around and go to a random place. I know that sounds weird, but it's something I really like.
7. Just one suit. I typically like guys that are relaxed dressers. Simple jeans or shorts and a t-shirt or whatever. I'm not picky. But here's what I do like: a suit. Just one. It has to be fitted right, though. Not too baggy, not too tight. It shows that you have a classy side, and every girls finds that attractive, whether she admits it or not.
8. Be a man. I know feminism seems to be all the rage, with the man- hating I- can-do-whatever-I-want-I-don't-need-a-man attitude, but I'm honestly not at all like that. Yeah, I have a sense of independence, but I know I will eventually need someone. I want someone tough in the sense that he knows how to take charge, without being a total jerk. Someone that I know can take care of me and make me feel safe. Not trying to sound weak, but that's something every girl wants in one way or another.
9. Hug me. Yeah, it sounds stupid and girly, but it's nice to be hugged. It simply shows a girl how much you're there for her.
10. Say my name. Okay, this has a bit of psychology to it. If you like a girl and you're talking or texting with her, say her name. It shows that you're focused on the conversation, and that will make her feel very special. Trust me, I know it sounds weird, but I can attest to it working.
11. Loving. I'm not the type of girl who's into things like romantic dinners and slow dances honestly. Ideally, I'd like a first date to be something fun. Anyway, it's the little things that show a girl how much you love them. Yes, a grand gesture on occasion is always good, but they're nearly meaningless when you don't act like you love them day to day. Notes, winks, a simple hand on the shoulder will do the trick. And if you're a hopeless romantic: go nuts!
12. Mindful. I know it's always hard and sometimes annoying to text people, so when you're busy or just plain tired, let her know. Don't ignore her, because girls always have and always will over think things. She'll probably go through an entire argument in her head before you have had time to text her back. It'll probably prevent many fights or silent treatments. Trust me.

Anyway, I hope at least some of this was helpful. I actually enjoyed writing it very much! I plan to post sometime soon something I like to call *drumroll* Understanding Women Part 1 of 1,000. Peace out! ;)

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Summer Plans

     So it's my last summer of childlike freedom. Go big or go home right? Well, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Normally I am the stay at home and chill, or go for a pleasant bike ride type, but this summer everything is changing. Yeah, I've got at least five graduation parties to go to that I can think of off the top of my head, and plans to go longboarding with friends and stuff like that, but I'm also going on a lot of trips. Here's a rough draft of my summer schedule.
1. Stay a week at a friend's house to house sit with another friend.
2. Go for a weekend vacation in my friend's RV on a lake.
3. Go to school orientation. (while I'm there)
    A. Go to Chinatown
    B. Go to a Cubs Game.
    C. Go to a couple of concerts.
4. Go on vacation with a few families to Wisconsin Dells
5. Go on a mission's trip to Tennessee.
6. (Possibly but I probably won't feel up to it) A mission's trip to New York.

     So yeah, that's honestly just the tip of the iceberg. During my off- hours I'll be continuing the remodeling of my church, and giving my input on other projects. I'll be a nanny again. I'll still be painting, and all the other weirdo jobs I have.
     Basically, I'm gonna be frigging busy.
     Anyway, my posts will be a tad slower to postage than per usual, given said circumstances. I'll also post chapters of The Unlikely whenever I can! Hope you like them! Give me input!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Unlikely 0.1

It had to be past noon, because the light coming from a nearby window was orange-ish. I looked around for many moments, trying to digest what had recently occurred. I remember being outside. I remember getting punched and basically knocked across the galaxy, based off the severe pain in my side. I am going through withdrawal. I am sober, but I am going through withdrawal.
    I sat up and rubbed my head. Something wasn't right. What was it? Oh.
    My hair was cut?
    Okay, so let me get this straight. I remember being beat up by some classy jerk-head, thrown ten feet, I passed out, I woke up here and my hair was cut? This made no sense whatsoever.
    After letting my brain wake up a bit, I was able to push my somewhat heavier body out of the love seat. As I got up, something interesting occurred to me: I was in a... palace? No, not a palace, this room is too small. Something like a palace, where the rooms are almost always the same color: white walls, dark colored drapes, a simple coffee table, and a light colored couch with light colored fabric and usually some kind of floral pattern.
    Calm your brain, Joseph. It'll only make the withdrawal worse.
    Just then, I heard the door on the far east corner of the room open.
    "Well, good morning."
    It was him.   
    Okay, hit me if I'm wrong, but what kind of flipping terms are me and this guy on?! We get into a fight, he takes me home, cuts my hair, then just says ,"good morning"?! What is this madness?
    "Uh, good morning."
    "I assume you have a headache, so I made you some mint tea to help you with the withdrawal. There's a change of clothes for you in the bathroom. What would you like for breakfast?"
    Ooookay, what in the name of all that actually makes sense is going on? The same man that beat me up was standing right in front of me, smiling, offering me mint tea, new clothes and breakfast. I know I was a bit hungover, but my head was spinning  more than it should have.
    "I'm sorry, what?" I asked.
    "I said that I have some mint tea for you're head ache, there's clothes set out for you in the bathroom -first door on the right in the hall- and I asked what you would like for breakfast. Are you well?"
    "Uh, okay. Umm, thank you?I-I'm sorry, I'm just having some trouble processing all this. Yesterday you went all Hulk on me and now you're offering me breakfast?"
    "Well, yes. I wouldn't be a very good host if I didn't do such things. Yes, last night was...well awkward- if you will- but I say we can get past that. You caught me on a rough night, so naturally I was a bit rude, and for that I apologize."   
    I gave myself a minute to calm down a bit and process all of this. I may have been a drug addict with a bit of an anger problem, but I was still somewhat sensible. He apologized, so I guess I could forgive him, right? Live and let live? I honestly don't even know if that rule even applies here, but whatever.
    "Okay, thank you. Um, I guess I'll go get dressed. Tea would be great, but I can get my own breakfast when I leave, but thank you for the offer." I said, trying to make even a little sense, which was actually pretty hard.
    "Leave? Oh, no no. You're not leaving. Where would you go? Back to my spot? I'm sorry, but I can't just let that happen."
    "Where would I go?"
    "Here?" I asked, a little shocked. Was this guy really telling me to stay here?
    "Here. I have a spare room, well actually three. You're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like."
    "Are you seriously saying I can stay here?"
    "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."
    "Does anyone else live here? Maybe a wife or another roommate?"
    "Nope. Just me."
    "Well, that escalated quickly."
    "How so?"
    "Are you really asking that question?"
    He chuckled. He honestly thought that this was a normal thing to do. I couldn't help laughing a bit myself.
    " Well, I suppose it might be a bit odd at first, but I think we could work it out. I have gotten quite lonely living on my own in such a large, yes somewhat plain home. After all, I do kind of owe you."
    "Well then, yes."
    "I'll stay.  For how long, I don't know, but I'll stay."
    Then it occurred to me- I didn't even know this guy's name!
    "So I suppose if you are to live in my home, I guess I should know your name." He said, with a flat tone.
    "I'm Joseph, pleasure to meet you..."I introduced myself, reaching out my hand.
    "James. My name is James. Excellent, we are now officially acquaintances, and roommates. By an unconventional accord, but still an accord. That is fine however. Go get dressed and I shall make you pomegranate pancakes. Judging by the lack of color in your face, you haven't eaten properly in weeeelllll... I'd day at least three....years." James said.
    "How do you do that?" I asked.
    "Simple laws of deduction.  It's rather elementary my dear Watson."
    "Who's Watson?"
    "A friend of mine."
    "So you're telling me you actually have friends?"
    "I don't."
    "So who's Watson?"
    "An old friend of Sherlock's."
    "Sherlock? As in, Sherlock Holmes?"
    "So what you're saying  is you're friends with Sherlock?" I asked, obviously a little confused.
    "No. Why would I be friends with a man who has never actually existed? What nonsense! Where would you get such an idea?" He said, genuinely appalled.
    Okay, I'm beginning to think this guy is mad. Not the emotion mad, but the state of being mad.
    James started pacing back and forth as if nervous.
    "Ever heard of imaginary friends?" I said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. I honestly thought that he might have gone crazy on me, so I had to try to cheer him up a bit.
    Suddenly, James looked at me. That same look in his eyes I had seen the previous night right before he punched me was in his eyes right now. It was weird that a compassionate, caring, and somewhat calm expression basically meant certain death for me. Why was he like this?
    He began to slowly walk towards me.
    "Are you judging those that have supposititious companions? What exactly do you think of those people? I'll tell you something, those people are the foundation of everything you see. People create an ideal image of what they want a companion to be because of the lack of rudimentary social and basic comprehensive skills, and it is absolutely appalling! Can you blame them!? Of course not, they are entirely blameless. And yet they are always oppressed. They are pushed around because they refuse to conform to the averages' useless pattern of communications. They are the ones that are truly aware of how reality is just a useless composition of women covered i
n make up, men working at the gym while wearing condescendingly tight shirts, teenagers going out in the early hours to do God knows what, and the other  scum doing whatever they want whenever they want because their stupid parents raised them that way! Sherlock Holmes was my 'imaginary friend'. My parents tried to give me what every other little child wanted to have, but I chose not to become like all the other scums of the earth. I chose to be this way! Just because I am different does not mean I am crazy! I am mad! Madly mad! Sanity is profane, and reality is sane. This earth is filled with people like you who never give the odd-ball a chance! You are not welcome here anymore! Get out!"
    Well, he didn't have to tell me twice. He was right, though. He was mad. 


    Next thing I knew, I was on the road again. Apparently Jame's home wasn't  more than four blocks from where his 'thinking spot' was. It was getting dark fast. The warm August air was shifting into the early cold stages of the night. I could smell the rain that was bound to arrive within the next thirty minutes. So many people were walking, talking, eating, playing as if everything in the universe was perfect.
    Nothing about this universe is perfect. Only fools believe that.
    I kept walking. My head was hurting, my side was aching, my knee was hurting because of the sprain, and any sign of a silver lining was nowhere near me. You see, there's something about being on my own that gave me a new kind of sadness. I missed being at home with my family. No, I do not mean that I missed my family, just the privilege of even having one. I didn't have one anymore. I missed the privilege of having a home. It wasn't the shelter that I missed, it was the smell.
    The smell.  
    Every home has a smell. Every person has a smell. Most people can't smell their own smell or the smell of their home, but I could. It wasn't the smell of an actual thing, like food or perfumes. It was a warm smell. The kind of warm smell you smelled when you were outside with your friends late at night. The smell where you tried to fight falling aslo because you didn't want to miss a single moment of whatever it was you were enjoying because you were just so happy. The smell where you feel like you've just completed a large task and now you can do what you will. That was the smell I missed. That was the reason I was sad. I had lost the very sense of having a home, a family, a hope. I was officially an orphan. But something was odd about having this feeling.
    I wanted to embrace it. No one owned me anymore. I was the only one who owned me.