Odds are you read the title with a hostile tone, which is exactly what I intended. This is how I have needed to hear things, with a hostile tone. That's the only real thing I actually respond to, to be perfectly honest. I've lived rather a cushy life, so things like self-motivation don't come easily to me.
Well, at least it didn't before.
Now, yeah, this kind of thing applies to things like workouts, diet plans, homework accountability etc, but that's not exactly what I'm after.
I'm talking about friendships.
Now, if you're anything like me (and I'm not even remotely bragging by the way), you can talk to and be "friends" with just about anyone. Your average cordial chit-chat can just about make anyone like you. Yeah, I've got my fair share of "haters", but I tend to ignore them in the grand scheme of things. The beautiful curse that accompanies this gift I've had is my inability to trust just about anyone other than my very own mother. Not saying I tell her literally everything, because that would simply be an overload on her sometimes, but I have and always been able to put my life into her hands. It's a mother- daughter bond that I've been blessed to have. *Queue the sweet violin music*
But that's where the list of people I truly trust just about ends. (Though one of my closest friends has shown me a great degree of trustworthiness by showing me he will tell me when I'm out of line and show me how to help myself.)
I've had way too many instances where I realized I couldn't trust someone, and that hurt me greatly. That's usually why I never invest too much time into someone. Not saying I go around, looking over my shoulder constantly. I just don't have much of a reason to trust people.
A lot of people in the past have told me to find new friends, and I've only ever really taken that advice once. It simply didn't work out, but that was also a few years ago. Now, I'm a recently graduated senior, stuck in the middle of nowhere, preparing to say goodbye to the people I had grown so close to over the past four years. Even though I knew this would happen, it still caught me by surprise.
You know that overwhelming sensation where you feel so suffocated with things like homework and schedules? This is almost like the opposite of that: I've got nothing to do, and nowhere to go. My friends are gone (or are going to be), and all I can do is sit here and think about it.
Or so I thought.
This is where I just need to grow up for once. Sitting around like I've been doing, sulking and sleeping all day, doesn't solve anything. Whether or not I even like it, life goes on, even after I start college. Yeah, I'm gonna do my first year online, but I have no intention to stay home like I've been doing. I'm gonna make my first year insane. Try to stop me.
Last time I graduated, I didn't think about my future, I just sat around and sulked like I've been doing these past couple weeks. Well, now I'm just going to grow up. God wouldn't pull me away from what I got used to if it wasn't worth my while. I fully believe that my best days are still ahead of me. It's time to stop pitying myself and wasting my time doing things I won't even remember the next day. It's time to actually live my life.
I'll rip off my band-aid now and get the healing process started.
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